I just finished an online application for a server job at Not Your Average Joes.

And it contained a psych exam that took me 20 minutes to complete.

The first 100 questions were of the standard “strongly disagree to strongly agree” persuasion.  So were the next 30 and the next 23.  It reminded me of that time I got tricked into taking the Dianetics exam so they could figure out how depressed I was.  (Aside:  I really feel the need to explain this.  I was walking home from work after a reasonably good day at the Beacon Street Starbucks, and a guy stopped me to see if I wanted to take a personality test.  I always loved taking personality tests, and I had nothing else to do and was kind of feeling open-minded and friendly.  So I followed the guy to some brownstone and took their Strongly Agree to Strongly Disagree test, which took about 30 minutes, and then waited to find out if I was an INFJ or an ISTJ.  Turns out, the exam showed I was an extremely depressed individual, (as I’m sure every 22-year-old college student was) so I was brought to a cubical farm to find out that the only thing that would save me was Scientology.  (Aside within an aside:  It wasn’t until I was waiting in the cube that  I looked around and noticed all the L. Ron Hubbard posters that were adhered to any free space on the walls.)  I lied and said I didn’t have the $7 to buy L. Ron’s book, OR to go to the L. Ron convention that was happening the following month, and then they called me for the next week and a half to make sure I hadn’t killed myself yet, because they were super concerned about my mental state and felt it was in my best interest t join the Temple of Tom Cruise.) Digression finished.  Although I really enjoyed remembering that story…

The Joe’s exam also included a “what is the next number in this sequence” section.  One of which I had to guess on.  Help me out here:  10, 20, 40, ?, 40, 20.”  Am I stupid?

THEN, we did a Shape Series exam.

And to finish it off, your standard SAT analogy quiz (at least back when I took the SAT’s):

Canyon : Deep :: Mud : _____

(The answer was the “m” word, which I considered getting purposely wrong because of how much I hate that word.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, ask someone.  It’s become a pretty popular hated word.)

So what I’ve determined is if I get called for an interview, I’m not as fucked up as I thought.  And if I don’t, I’m way to screwed up to serve chicken wings and diet coke.  But I’d be a good candidate for Scientology.

(For a good time, go through the application process here.)